Before my ex left he told me: “One day when this over you will thank me because you’ve survived me breaking you, no one else will ever be able to break you ever again.”

My ex is the king of twisting words into his favor, he took every dark secret I had ever told him about myself in our 4 and a half years of marriage and twisted them against me to make me feel lower then I’ve ever felt before, only my faith kept me sane(I am Pagan).

My mom left me when I was young, the last time I saw her in person I was 12, (she had been in and out of my life starting at around age 4), she is crazy(Needs meds has the mind of about 4 year old when she isn’t on them) however one of the few relevant things she told me (in her moments when she was thinking right) never let a man hit you, if they do it once run because they will do it again and the next time you may not live through it.

Even though I must have been about 7 or 8 at the time that moment and the seriousness of her words have never left me. I say all that to say that my ex never hit me, it was always verbal comments, and control of who I could see, never letting me work(2 job offers of things I could do), making me go that last year we were together for almost that whole year with no sex(we had sex twice), I just thought it was because he loved me, he always made it seem as if it was for my own good.

Now I know I will never let myself be treated that way again. He is right no one can ever break me the way he did again. The part that hurts me the most is that I feel inside my soul that if I ever do get married again that I will have to defend why it is my 2nd one, as if it will be somehow less real or valid then the first one was. I hate feeling that because its not like I can drag my ex away from tx, his 2 kids, and that woman to try and go back to him, If I could somehow pull that off I know it would be cheating and crap all over again.

Before we stop talking a few weeks ago he’d randomly call me to tell me about all the times he had tried to cheat on his gf with chicks he worked with but they turned him down so I know he will never keep it in his pants.  I know that I deserve better then his treatment, plus I learned from my dad (he always tells me) “you can never make someone love you or stay with you if they don’t want to, in time they will leave.” I know that I don’t deserve to be thrown out just because he doesn’t want me, someone will want to be with me, I will not give up on love just because of him.