Note to reader: the following post is another random rant to help me get my feelings out and isn’t about anyone, also it may or may not make sense.

I feel guilty for being mad about the pain from my CP when I know a lot of people have it worse than I do.

I feel guilty for having the things and happiness I have because I feel like other people deserve it more than I do.

I feel guilty for not wanting to be defined by my chair because a part of me feels like maybe that’s me saying that I am better than other disabled people.

I know that being a martyr doesn’t really help anyone, least of all the people you intend it to or for but it doesn’t stop the guilt.

I sometimes even feel sorry over not feeling bad about certain things I’ve done.

More than anything I want as “normal” a life as I possibly can have and a hubby who will love me and be faithful to me. I want to be someone’s wife again someday. A part of a family unit a team.

I feel guilty because others will never get that for whatever reason. I feel guilty for not giving up on my dreams.

My heart and soul are telling me that I matter and I serve a purpose and to take myself away from life as a form of self-imposed penance would be unfair to myself and the people who love me or who I might be able to help in some way.

I need to put the guilt away.