Note to reader: I am in NO way writing this as as effect to make people feel sorry for me. I am writing this because it’s the first time I have had a way and place to get these feelings out without judgement from people who know me. I am trying to heal my own heart.

My mom is crazy, I mean take her clothes off, hear voices, and forget her own name when she isn’t on her meds crazy. The last time I saw her I was 13(I am 27 now) and I have no idea if she is alive or dead.

I live with my dad because I need physical help due to my disability. I have my own room and my dad let’s me make my own choices about my life.

There has always been some form of drama in my life. I didn’t really have the normal thanksgiving except for when my dad’s mother was alive.

My dad buys the pre-made Turkey and food from the store that you heat up. I am so grateful and thankful to have my dad and food please don’t get me wrong.

The first Thanksgiving I was with my ex we got up and made the turkey together (he even helped me get in my chair so I could go check too) that was the first time I felt kind of normal around the holidays.

Now this year I am not as sad as I thought I would be. The only thing that is driving me nuts is people are looking for me to be the positive one for them when they know this is a hard time of the year for me.

I just want a hug and to be told that I will be ok. I know I will be ok in time I just don’t see how it’s going to happen right now.