Dear reader I know that the following post will sound as if I am feeling sorry for myself, however this isn’t true I am just trying to come to terms with a current fact in my life.

Dear reader as of right now I don’t really have anyone watching out for me except for my dad.

I am truly thankful to have him however I know that because of the fact that I am in a chair if something was to happen to my dad things would get crazy for me.

My brother and sister(My dad’s other two kids from another mom) have already pretty much told me I better get someone or figure out my care before my dad dies because they don’t want to do it.

I know that I can get stuff together in time. I just don’t have anyone right now to help cover my ass and give me breathing room if something happens.

People don’t really realize how much you are at someone’s mercy when you can’t walk.

I have friends but non of them can really help me.

I know that this will sound selfish and wrong to some and I apologize in advance however it’s true.

I realize now that one of the reasons why I have been craving a guy is because I want that safety net back.

I will never just use a guy for that purpose unless it is a life or death situation.  And I will be upfront with him about it.

I know I have a lot of love and loyalty to give to a person.  However I also know that I need to be honest with myself about needing help.

I am NOT saying that I think things are going to go bad anytime soon.  You just have to understand dear reader I have gotten myself out of some bad situations in my past just by luck and the skin of my teeth. I have these fears for a reason.

For some reason my self preservation instincts are kicking in My sub conscience right now and I don’t know why. I just know that I haven’t made it this far by ignoring them.