I found out something about a friend of mine last night that completely changed how I see said person.

I am trying desperately to find my own center again. The best way I can describe how I feel right now is:

I feel as if I am at the top of a rollercoaster waiting to go down and my stomach feels like it’s up in my chest and it hasn’t came down even though I have made it down said rollercoaster.

I was less shocked when I found out my ex cheated or that my marriage was over. I know some of you might think I am taking about the person being gay or something like that and the answer is no. I won’t tell you the secret because it’s not mine to tell.

I can honestly say I don’t know how I can see the person the same way now. The person got mad at me because I didn’t have a “normal reaction” to the news.

I have been racking my brain and I have no frame of reference for this because it’s so far out of anything I know or feel comfortable with.

I truly believe that understanding comes from empathy, you’re ability to put yourself into that person’s shoes and see what you would do in their place.

I can honestly say I would never see myself ever doing said thing once let alone more than once, So I feel like empathy is almost impossible because I feel like by saying I understand I am also saying that I find this thing ok and I don’t. (Again this is not about a person being gay or any other secret I can think to compare it to).

It’s like the first time you find out evil exists, you can’t ever put the rose colored glasses back on.

The worst part is that the person basically is asking me to be their confessor and I can’t. I can’t turn off my emotions. I can’t give them absolution (which is really honestly what I feel they want me to do) I don’t have the power to.

I feel really in over my head here. I haven’t really had someone depend on my view of right and wrong.

I don’t want to be judge/jury, for anyone other than myself.