Note to reader: I know that some of you might not understand/agree with the following post which is totally fine. This post isn’t about you or me trying to give advice to you it’s about me.

I will not approve any personal negative comments. If you wish feel free to post your own post on your on blog about your thoughts.

Dear reader this morning I woke up from a vivid dream feeling better about myself and my own self-worth you might not agree with/understand why which is ok. Here’s how the dream went:

In the dream I somehow met the guys from “Pawn Stars” at a fair/wrestling thing.

My dad makes friends with Rick and I meet Cory(Chumlee wasn’t there) and he invites me over to their RV.

He caries me inside and we share a kiss afterwards I start talking to him and the subject gets to sex.

I tell him I don’t do random sex and he can afford to pay for pretty much any girl he wants.

He keeps up that he wants me so I tell him if it’s just sex I deserve to be spoiled just like his other girls because I am not easy.

He agrees and we set ground rules and he says ok but we never get beyond kisses.

The whole time I am thinking I have self-worth and if he wants me he will accept my conditions if he walks away no loss on either side.

I end up waking up as he tells me I am definitely different.

I know that everyone isn’t going to agree with or understand what I am going to say but as I said at the top of the post this is about me taking my own advice not you dear reader.

I really truly believe that every action in life has a cost(even doing nothing) and it’s also about if you are willing to play the cost or not.

I would have said before that I would never have random sex, however now that I haven’t had sex for two and a half years(as of right now) I know myself and I know that if the right opportunity was presented to me I might take it because I know I can’t be a saint forever.

At this point it’s really about damage control, I know I have desires and urges that will come out at some point one way or another, it’s about doing my very best to make sure it’s done with the best possible person and circumstances possible.

I have always had trouble believing I have personal worth in regards to love(My faith has emproved my self-worth tremendously) because of the fact that any guy that is with me has to help me so much because of my chair.

I have told myself over and over that I am worth the trouble. I knew it in my mind but my heart never understood It.

Now from this dream I truly feel inside that I am worth it because I know that there are many many girls out there however I am the only one with my set of beliefs, feelings, thoughts, likes, dislikes, and craziness all together in one person, just like you are the only one like you. Others might have a few of our same qualities however no one else has them all in the same exact way we do.

I was afraid to stand up for myself out of desperation, thinking I had to settle for less because I was defective, I had no right to ask for full price(the best possible treatment), Now I see that all my qualities even my imperfections can and will be valuable to someone(Not everyone needs/wants what you’re selling which is fine) and they will be willing to play the cost so to speak to be with me as I will for them.

The only thing stopping me was desperation inside. Now I feel ready:).