Note to reader: I am just venting and getting my own personal feelings/emotions out so I am sorry in advance if this post doesn’t make sense to you.

Dear reader it’s been about 2 weeks since I met Alex and he is still around, something that doesn’t normally happen with me for a variety of different reasons.

He doesn’t care about my chair or having to help me and we make a good team whenever we are together(the way we talk and deal with things and each other).

No, dear reader we aren’t together or dating yet. I personally think the only thing that could get in the way of that happening is my faith.

He knows I am Pagan and he says he doesn’t care or judge me for it, however he is a very spiritual person and he thinks that God is the answer to some of my problems.

I don’t have an issue with his faith or beliefs, however I deeply and personally feel that my faith and the Gods I work with saved my life(if you’re curious check the Me tab of my blog there are posts in there about it).

I told him yesterday that I really feel like this could be a turning point for me in regards to if we keep going or not because I don’t want the man I am with to judge a belief I feel so strongly about without trying to understand it. I don’t mean agree with or like it I mean try to see that I never purposely intend to do anything “evil” I do what makes sense in MY heart and soul.

To be perfectly honest dear reader I wish that I had that type of experience as a Christian, However for me personally it felt like I was hitting a wall no matter what I did.

I understand what the basics of the faith are however I just personally can’t get over the fact that I personally feel that it all starts with fear…Fear of hell, fear of judgement for all kinds of different things.

I personally never want to believe in something out of fear, I have had this belief since high school even before I became Pagan.

I found the peace I was craving in my faith, I felt that self hate and suicidal tendencies leave me and they haven’t been back these 7 years later.

I personally really doubt a “demon” would be that helpful.

I mean dear reader I really doubt you or anyone would have liked me before I found my faith.

I don’t want to give up my faith for him or anyone else other than myself and how I feel.

I never want to be so deeply into any faith or belief that I never question the other side, I try to keep an open mind.

I guess it really gets to me because we have told each other that if this goes far that we could end up changing each other’s lives because we don’t do short-term random relationships.

I know deep in my core that I will never find another person like him and I will regret it if I walk away from him and us lightly.

I just keep getting what I want and then o no you can’t have it for whatever reason and I pray that doesn’t happen here. I will of course keep you updated dear reader: ).