Note to reader: The following post is ONLY about me venting about my own personal feelings about the situation so that they don’t stay bottled up inside me and explode. I am writing this here to get it off my chest and out of my system, nothing more nothing less.

Dear reader I just had to help my best friend Adriana(the mother of my God – daughter Mariah) with $100 to help cover part of her car payment. (I did it via my banks mobile quick pay)

I don’t have as much money as I normally do because I haven’t been able to go to the casino yet (if you don’t know my situation yet please read my about me page or the me tab of my blog I don’t like having to write everything out over and over again).

So my money is a bit tighter than normal right now especially because of my dental situation(right now my dad’s paying for it for me thankful how I might need to help with other stuff) however I know that I had to do it because she doesn’t have that many other people who can help.

It’s just that I was raised with “Don’t give what you can’t afford to lose.” Which even though I can afford to “Loose” it(she said she will pay me back at the end of the month) it’s still honestly making me a bit nervous right now.

The other thing that is really irritating me right now about the situation is that she and some other people in my life have been making comments about how and what I spend my money on.

I know that it’s easier for me because I live with my dad and he helps me a lot. However the reason behind this is because I have CP(Cerebral Palsy) and I physically can’t help myself.

I am trying my hardest to find a job that I am actually physically able to do which when you’re not able to take yourself onto an off of the toilet because of bad knees is kinda hard.

People also say “Well its easier for you because you don’t have kids.”.

This comment irritates me so much dear reader because of the fact that I made the decision in ’09 to get my tubes tied because I didn’t want to make a kid suffer because I can’t physically take care of it the way I strongly believe that a child should be taken care of.

I don’t feel like I should be judged for making a responsible decision.

I also have handled a lot of different situations so that I could actually be able to buy and do certain things.

It’s not my fault that they made certain decisions, I have never said “Well if you wouldn’t have spent money on this you’d have money for that.” Yet they talk about my spending habits.

At the end of the day I help because she’s family(we have been friends for 15 years now, since 7th Grade), because I would want help if it was me (even though I know that most of my friends aren’t able to actually help me), and because I could.

I just wish that I had someone to have my back like that. I am beyond thankful for my dad and everything he does for me it’s just that I have things to do that my dad has a hard time with because of lifting me and stuff.

Rant over.