Note to reader: The following post is ONLY about me venting about my own personal feelings/thoughts about this situation. Nothing more nothing less.
If you want the backstory to this post check out the “I don’t owe you context(venting about Janet)” post in the “Venting” tab of my blog.

Dear reader I thought that the situation with Janet was over after she sent me the FB message on FB yesterday saying that she can’t be friends with me because of the fact that I have vented about her on here (First name only never any pictures of her were used) which is her right.

Now she left me 3 voice mails about(I didn’t answer because I was asleep) how she doesn’t like that I vented about her on here and that I don’t care if you dear reader comment on a post about her situation.

Again I vented about how her situation was affecting me at the time. I am pretty sure that everyone has had thoughts in their minds about whatever their friends or family is doing at the time but you can’t really interrupt them to say what you are thinking about and most of the time it’s just frustration or random thoughts that run through your head.

I personally needed a place to put those thoughts not just about people who I know but about anything else that happens to be stuck in my mind at any given time or else it stays bottled up inside me and I get angry and sad.

Having this blog here to vent to dear reader isn’t really even about telling you or anyone else about it it’s about being able to get it off of my chest.

I know that some people write this stuff on paper and throw it away however since my writing sucks because of my CP(Cerebral Palsy) I decided to write it here.

I knew that someone else would eventually stumble upon it but it doesn’t bother me because they have no clue who I am or who anyone I might talk about is again I highly doubt that anyone who is reading this could find Janet in real life and say yup I know that Rose wrote about your situation.

As for why I don’t use my real first name on here its because I am trying to take the mask off of the expectations that my name carries with it and be as real and raw as possible here.

I never thought that 475 people would subscribe/follow this blog.

With your comments, likes, views, and  follows dear reader you have shown me that even though I am disabled and living mostly in my room in Southern California that I can still matter to some people and that my voice matters and for someone who has heard from multiple different people over the years that I am less than normal because of my CP(Cerebral Palsy) it really does mean the world to me.

As for the comments about her situation I left them in because I don’t think that they were mean or hurtful.

I don’t know maybe that makes me a bad person dear reader.  However this blog has become so much more than just me venting about people it’s about my book reviews, video games I like and what happens to me.

I am trying to show what my own personal experience is as a human being with this blog and you have become my cheering section.

It’s not just about venting online or putting my life on line as Janet said in her voice mails it’s about having a safe place to put my thoughts and feelings.

I know that I could actually get more  experiences like the book review opportunities because of this blog which I am thankful for every single experience you guys ever give me dear reader.

However I am not trying to be famous or anything more than who I am.

It really hits home for me personally about having this place because my mom is mentally ill(she doesn’t even remember what her name is when she’s off her meds) and my dad told me recently that he was worried about me whenever I used to write on paper(I had notebooks filled out like the “Thankful” tab of my blog) with whatever I did or was thankful for that day and my dad thought I was just writing nonsense like my mom used to.

It took me years to explain to him that I just need a place to put stuff down so that it gets out of my mind and after I write about it then it doesn’t bother me any more.

He knows about this blog now and that it keeps me busy and happy. He is also proud of the fact that people come to read it. He even asks me how you guys are (in the sense of if you liked what I wrote or if you posted something nice to me).

I know that others might not understand why I need to have this blog however it doesn’t change the fact that I need the help it gives me. I find comfort in knowing that you are here dear reader even if I don’t write anything except for a “Things I am  thankful for today” post that day.

I am currently still super emotional over Janet’s voice mails even though I can really explain why in a way that makes sense. I haven’t called her back yet because I don’t want to be yelled at again she keeps saying that our friendship is over which again is her right I just don’t personally know what else to say to that.

I am going to read and hopefully calm down some and after that I will think about calling her back I just don’t want to make the situation any worse than it already is. Sorry dear reader for rambling so long.