Note to reader: The following post is ONLY about me venting so that I will NOT explode on anyone. I have this blog as a release valve for this very reason.

Also I am in a chair because I have CP(Cerebral Palsy).

Dear reader I really feel like I am playing fucking hop scotch on a tight rope right now. I am trying to avoid the holes before I fall into them.

My dad is 4 days(as of right now) healing from his hernia surgery. He can’t help me with the bed pan yet so his friend has been helping us but she is a bitch to me and my dad for many different reasons(too long to explain right now) so I hate asking her for help.

Adriana(My best friend who has been staying the nights with me in my room with her daughter my God-daughter on a cot in the space between my bed and the door to my room. Because I have to roll over too often to release pressure from staying on one side too long for her to share my bed),

Is sick, like a really bad cold or flu sick right now so I am praying that she doesn’t get me sick because I have no insurance right now because of my divorce issues(check the “Ending” tab of my blog if you want more information on it).

Also My dad really doesn’t need to catch anything right now.

It really sucks not being able to take yourself to the bathroom when you want to and having to hold it until someone is around who can help you.

Adriana woke me up at 1:30AM with her coughing(Did I mention I am a light sleeper?) So I am awake at currently 3:40AM after tossing and tuning and there is really no point in going back to sleep right now because she has to be up in about 2 hours for work so I will just be woken up again.

Getting woken up and having to keep going back to sleep makes me cranky.

PS. You dear reader are the only one I can vent to right now because everyone else in my life right now is either like:

“Here’s a straw, suck it up.” Or Gee that sucks….*Insert their problem(s) here*

The one time of year that I really look forward to so I can go and recharge spiritual is Pagan Pride Day it’s also the only time of year I can see my friends from SD(I live in the LA area now), however I can’t go this year(the first time I will miss it in 6 years) because of my dad’s hernia issues WHICH I TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND.

It’s just that if ever there was a time when I needed to recharge my batteries it’s now, Yes I know I can pray it’s just it isn’t the same as ritual and I really miss feeling like I fit somewhere.