I am not him(12/1/14)

Note to reader: The following post is me venting about my feelings. I am NOT trying to make anyone feel sorry for me.

Dear reader my brother Shaun’s girlfriend keeps texting me and I know the only reason she is doing it is because my brother is died and I am the next best thing She can find.

I haven’t seen my brother Shaun in about 15 years because we had different dad’s and our mom has certifiable mental issues and my mom’s family is crazy(they were our only means of contact).

I did manage to find my brother around ’07 on MySpace(the night before he went to Iraq with the Army) and I told him I loved him but he passed at home before we could meet again in person.

I got a call from my mom’s other son to tell me he died and I met his girlfriend at the funeral.

She is fucking crazy dear reader she spent an hour on the phone once telling me about their sex life when I asked her about her memories of him as a person.
I know my brother dear reader and he would be so embarrassed right now. She also makes me feel like her pain is worse than mine.

I am disabled(CP, Cerebral Palsy) and I can’t walk so I couldn’t help my brother and she acts like I could have done something.

I ended up telling her the truth, that talking to her hurts too much because it’s a reminder that he is died.

I want to cry so bad right now: (.

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