Dear reader the following post is mostly going to be just me trying to get the random rambling thoughts out of my brain, it also doesn’t help that it’s currently 4:30AM for me and I can’t sleep.

I really miss my big brother Shaun, we didn’t grow up together(same mom different dad) and I hadn’t seen him for years before he died(Our mom’s family being stupid) however I always held on to the hope that I would find him again.

Now I know exactly where he is and I can’t say hi because he is dead. At random moments like now it bugs me that I am still alive when he isn’t.

He had a heart of gold, I seriously dare you dear reader to find me a nicer human being(I think it would be impossible to find) and if anyone deserves to still be alive it’s him.

I know he wouldn’t want me to feel this way. I try my hardest to take things a day at a time. It just feels like my life is going so slow right now.

Things just feel a bit crazy I can’t really explain why dear reader because I don’t fully understand myself.

I am so very thankful that I have you dear reader along with me on this journey(seriously 415 people care about my random words/life to follow me that just blows me mind).

I know that I just have to look no further than the app on my phone to be able to get my feelings out and you’ll be here to *listen* even if no one comments it means a lot to me that it’s out there and out of my brain, stuck to the page so it can finally leave me be.

I guess I am finally coming to terms with the fact that it’s ok to be a bit different or *crazy*.

Now back to my regularly scheduled programming of reading for a bit so I can hopefully fall asleep soon(I am trying to finish “The last American Vampire” by Seth Grahame-Smith, I will of course post a review of it here when I am finished).