Note to reader: The following post is ONLY about me talking about myself and my own personal thoughts and feelings about this situation. I am doing this to get my thoughts out of my mind so that they don’t stay bottled up inside me and explode any negative comments on this post will be deleted also if the topic of sex and of a female enjoying sex bugs you please ignore this post.

Dear reader I have realized why I am having some second thoughts about Dennis(Friends with benefits offer) it isn’t because I have never done friends with benefits before or even that I am nervous about the sex part(even though I haven’t had any in almost 4 years) it’s because I honestly don’t really trust him to actually listen to me like I have been listening to him, part of the reason why I want to do this with someone (besides just really missing sex) is to at the very least have some fun and be able to talk to someone about things without judgement (like having you does for me dear reader except with a face to face experience) and as much as he has said otherwise(because we’ve already talked about it a few different times) I still deep down inside don’t really believe him.

He has said that he has changed a lot in the 3 plus years since he hurt my feelings orginally(we have never dated or anything else before, the last time we got this close he told me he had gotten a gf the day before what was supposed to be our first date) and he has apologized and said that I have no reason to trust him but he wants another chance.

I know that everyone deserves forgiveness at least once dear reader I just want to know that this experience will at least be fun.

You see dear reader I am almost 29 and I have never really done anything wild or crazy(mostly because of my CP, Cerebral Palsy) and I think this might be my chance to let go a bit.

I just really hope he doesn’t bring the experience down by being sad about his ex wife the whole time.

I promise to let you know how it goes on Tuesday.