Note to reader: The following post is ONLY for me to vent my own thoughts and emotions. As always I speak for no one other than myself. If talk of sex bugs you then please skip this post. 

Dear reader I have always believed (and still do to this day) since I was in High School that if I can’t live with my own life choices(and the consequences there of) and follow my own personal beliefs/morals(especially when doing so is the hardest choice) then they really don’t matter to me. I try my hardest to not be a hypocrite in my personal life.

My best friends don’t understand why I feel this way about the following situation maybe explaining it to you dear reader will help me feel better about it and if you guys get it then please comment on this post and let me know, it would really mean a lot to know that someone else gets it.

I have always said that I don’t really believe in friends with benefits or random sex with a stranger. To me personally sex is special(I don’t personally mean in a religious way) I personally think that it should mean something.

I have never to this day had sex with a guy who I wasn’t in a relationship with first. I also have so far only had sex with 3 guys in my life so far(my first time was with my ex husband and the last time was with my last serious boyfriend in June of 2011).

I know that no one can be a saint forever and I do have urges and needs (Yes, dear reader even though I have CP I can still feel my body and I enjoy sex) so I am fully aware of the fact that I could break these personal rules at some point in the future however I really don’t want to have to tell a guy when he eventually shows up:

“Hey I really normally don’t do friends with benefits and I believe sex is special I promise but I messed up and did it anyway because I haven’t had any in 4 years”.

Dear reader that sounds hypocritical as fuck to me personally which is at the core of why I turned Denis down after all (The back story to him is in the secrets tab of my blog) plus I personally refuse to have sex treated like a business transaction (Just get naked, thanks for your time) when I can’t even get at least a movie or something to help me relax first at least which is how it turns out that Dennis wanted it to be.

To be really bluntly honest with you dear reader if that was going to be the case a part of my mind would be thinking I should be getting something for this.

I am happy with the fact that I was able to stick to my core values. Thanks for letting me vent to you dear reader it really does mean a lot to me.