Words Tumbling Around in my Mind(9/20/16)

Random Ramblings because I can’t sleep. All of these things are my own personal experiences/thoughts/feelings/ about my own life. I am NOT try to make anyone feel sorry for me. 

Words rumbling around in my mind, half formed sentences that would only make sense to me.
Piece of my heart, different corners of my mind holding different thoughts, ideas, dreams, fears, hopes, secrets, and lies(that I tell myself). 

Things I tell myself to keep moving, I want you and others to understand me however I have found that in order for someone to be able to understand someone or something they have to have some framework of seeing themselves in the situation that’s being explained. 

A lot of people love me some even hate me however very few have been in a situation where they are at the mercy of someone for getting food(having some one give it to me), moving me around(into/out of my bed/my wheelchair), helping me get into and out of the bathroom etc etc. 

I have very little personnel freedom that I have 100% physical control over. I have had a lot of things taken from me in the past so I know from experience how fast everything can be taken from me. 

People want me to do things their way because they don’t see why I can’t.

I work hard daily to convince myself that I won’t go backwards however if something happens to my dad before I have a plan in place of I finally find a man who is actually willing to love and support me flaws and I am screwed (I am working on both).

The world’s a scary place when you literally can’t fight back however thankfully I have managed for the past 30 years(my entire life) to fight for myself and keep moving. 

I have also managed to hang on to my belief in love, that the majority of people are good however deep down, and an inner innocence that still loves giving Mickey Mouse hugs at Disneyland.

I think that innocence is a big part of why/how I keep so happy and why I genuinely happy whenever I see people happy or successful. 

Also dear reader you guys keep me going. I will never be able to truly explain or thank you guys for being here for me on this journey ♡.

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