Note to Reader: I am writing this to get the thoughts/emotions out of my mind. I’m NOT trying to judge anyone and as always I am ONLY speaking for myself. Trigger warning for talking about rape fantasy.

Dear reader I was talking to a guy that I had matched with the night before on a dating site.

We seemed to match on a lot of things:

1. He was relatively local so we could’ve met in person eventually.

2. He knew about and was ok with my ♿(disability).

3. He was an author.

4. He doesn’t want kids/doesn’t have them.

Over the course of talking to him and finding out that he was ok and seemed to match with all of the basics I listed above as well as other things the conversation moved to sex.

I like to make sure(if I meet someone online especially) that’s actually close enough to meet in person that there won’t be any sexual surprises(I hate getting to that point in a relationship and being stuck with crappie sex because we don’t match) so now I ask in advance what they like.

He seemed to match me very well and the other way around. I decided to see via messaging(because it’s physically safer since I can block them if necessary)

What his fantasy with me would be, Dear reader keep in mind that I specifically told him dirtiest fantasy with me and he already knew about my ♿.

I do this to gauge how there mind goes and if I can physically do it and if it would be safe for me.

The first place the guy went was rape, force, making me cry. At which point I said I didn’t think we should keep talking.

I said it was my issue(which it is) and I wished him the best(which I do). He said things about safe words which I understand but safe words(in my personal opinion) only matter if you can enforce them by physically getting away if they keep going and since I can’t physically do that I have to be extremely careful.

He still didn’t understand. I didn’t know any other way to explain then what I already said so I appolgized again and blocked him to avoid hurting him as he kept saying I hurt his feelings.

I understand that it’s harsh but I wish people would understand that I have to be so careful because I can’t run.

It made me so thankful that I asked the question in advance and it didn’t come up when we met.

Thanks for listening to me vent dear reader your support means everything to me.