Note to reader: The following post is ONLY about me getting out my personal thoughts and feelings about this situation off my chest and out of my head.

As always I am NOT speaking for any other disabled person other than myself. I am NOT trying to make anyone feel sorry for me and it should go without saying that I’m not a doctor or medical professional.

Dear reader I know with the current medical care system stressed from the co-vid19 situation my life might not be seen as medically “worth saving” if it comes down to me needing/getting critical care(if it becomes necessary) if I get sick from Covid19(Yes, dear reader I am staying inside and haven’t seen anyone in person aside from my dad who physically helps me/lives with me since we went to the casino for my dad’s birthday around March 1st) and it comes down to a choice between me and a “normal person” getting the care(I have had this be verified as a possible scenario that could happen by some people I know that are medical professionals, it’s another reason why I’ve been staying inside).

Dear reader since I was young people have made me feel like my life isn’t really worth the same as a “normal person’s” because I can’t physically give back to society as much as I want to(Yes, dear reader I know that I shouldn’t base my life’s value on how much I do for others and I understand that I do my best to do as much as I possibly can to cheer up people on here, Twitter(@BookNerd0486 if you want the say hi to me that way) Facebook, and in real life however sometimes it still doesn’t feel like it’s “enough” to feel worth it).

The Covid19 situation is bringing up this fear and I genuinely don’t want to take care away from someone else who needs it(if it’s a choice type of situation) however I don’t want to die yet.

Dear reader I still feel like I haven’t did everything that I want to yet(I don’t feel like listing everything here as this post already feels long) I still want to be able to bring you guys on the journey of my life with me and see what happens together(as always your support for me and my journey dear reader means everything to me).

I know deep down that I will probably be fine and this will pass eventually but getting past the fear is really hard right now. It’s why I haven’t finished a book review in a while(I hope to have one up soon) because it’s harder to focus and it feels like whenever I do read that I’m “reading whilst Rome burns” pardon the saying but it’s the only way I can think of to illustrate my point.

Don’t worry about me dear reader I will be ok eventually. Hugs to you and yours and please stay safe dear reader 💙.