I still miss him

I really did fall for him as a person, it wasn’t like I liked him because he liked me first then forcing myself to like the other stuff about them. I told him I love you because damn it I felt it.

Not because he is cute or because he was nice to me first which to be bluntly honest here was the reason I got with my ex and married him so quickly because my ex didn’t take no for an answer and he did things for me I never thought a guy would ever do for me, Carrying me through the rainy parking lot to see a move when we couldn’t bring my wheelchair and more.

I knew in my gut that my ex hubby was the wrong guy but I ignored it because I thought it was me…Little did I know he was a controlling, cheating asshole.

This guy was different, I still don’t feel the need to take down my posts or say “I guess I didn’t love him”. It went away a bit when he told me he never liked me that way but said yes to being with me because he thought that I’d stop writing him after awhile.

He says on his blog that he doesn’t like when people push him away yet he did it to me. I still feel that his soul is beautiful and that we could’ve been good together. He missed out on something good.

The part that really makes me nervous is that even after all this I still feel that he is the person I’ve been waiting for….I don’t feel the pull of some other guy waiting for me…I haven’t felt it since we started talking…and now I just feel emptyness in the pit of my tummy where the pull used to be.

Does this mean that I was right about him being my soul-mate and now that he doesn’t want me..opps…I mean that he never wanted me…that I will never have that connection I still feel to him with anyone else?

I didn’t write what I wrote about him because I wanted to score points with him, I wrote it because I truly felt it damn it. I have never been this open ever. I truly gave him the love I want to get from someone someday.

Well good night until tomorrow dear reader.

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