Warning anymore reading this post if you are offended by sex or talk of sex then please don’t read this post.

This is my personal blog and I will never censor my feelings or emotions here if you don’t like them that’s fine , you are not forced to read them.

Dear reader I really personally think part of the reason I am so cranky right now is because I want to have sex.

The last time I have had sex was June of 2011. I don’t want to have sex with just any guy.

I have never had sex with a guy that I wasn’t dating first, I don’t intend to change that now, however I still have urges even though I am a female(I have heard the “Girls aren’t supposed to have sexual urges” so many times it isn’t funny so dear reader If you have that comment please keep it to yourself).

I just really feel like having a dick in me and being able to let go of thinking of my pain or being nice for awhile and just given in to pleasure for a bit would do me some good.

The other weird thing is I keep having dreams(about 8 different ones since February of this year including one last night) of me having sex with and or marrying a guy I have known since I was a kid.

His mom used to date my dad, no we aren’t related. Whenever he was drunk around me he would always say he loved me or ask me if I knew that he loved me. We never dated though.

I did have a crush on him when I was younger, however when I was around him last he was always drinking,  tagging, or smoking weed.

I never want to be with someone like that. I haven’t seen him in about 2 years and I heard from my dad that he was working with his dad.

In my dreams he is sober and tells me he has always loved me. I know that they are just dreams but 8 about the same guy and same basic storyline makes me wonder. I know as a Pagan that dreams do mean something sometimes.

I just honestly wonder how much someone can change. I mean he didn’t finish school and can’t really read. I understand why because of his childhood but I really really don’t want to dumb myself down for a guy again.

My other biggest fear with him besides wondering if he will be able to and want to put up with caring for me physically because of my chair(he has lifted me from my chair to my bed and back in the past but that’s different than doing it everyday) is if he has any kids out there. I don’t need any baby momma drama.

I just know in my heart that I can’t stay a saint forever in the sex department me and that at some point I will give in I just hope it’s with the right guy.