The past again shows me how horrible I am (8/8/15).

Note to reader: The following post is ONLY about me venting and talking  about my own personal feelings to get them out so I don’t explode(writing helps me feel better which is the core purpose of this blog) any and all harsh comments will be deleted.

Also the back story to this post is in the “So desperate to talk to me you had your brother find me” post in the “Past Events” tab of my blog if you’re curious.

Dear reader once again my past pops up to show me that I am a horrible person.

I found out what Josh wanted from me which was to tell me that a girl who we both used to go to school with died a few weeks ago.

I didn’t really get along with her to be honest with you dear reader, the last time we talked (maybe 2 months or so ago) she argued me again about my choice to have my tubes tied(have no kids because of my chair), she said I was being selfish because I was taking the chance away from her to have a kid too somehow, she had a different disability then I do however she was also in a chair.

I made the decision to block her on FB because I didn’t want to argue with her. Now I am sorry that she died however I personally feel like if I were to go to the funeral it would be hypocritical so I am not going to go.

Josh and other people from the same group are trying to use this situation to make me be friends with them again but I am not going to be dragged into the past again.

He is mad that I told him that I am still a bit upset about how he treated me back then of course he says he remembers nothing and I should have told him about it then which I did.

He always played mind games with me in the past to the point that my Nana made me promise never to date him or anything because she saw how much I hurt over him.

I feel like it’s the same shit all over again :'(.

I have said over and over again that I don’t want to argue with him or anyone else who is part of this group. I just want to be left alone by them.

I will probably block him and his brother again after 48 hours(how long you have to wait until FB let’s you block someone again) just to be sure to avoid any and all drama.

I just wish the past would leave me be.

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